Random Invader Zim Interview
by fromidam
Summary: Warning: High levels of randomness, read at own risk.


Grav: Hey there. As you can see my name is Grav, short for Gravity. But enough about me! I'm here to interview the Invader Zim characters! Woah! What an original idea! So anyway, we're going to start this episode off with Zim, Dib, Gir, Tallests Red and Purple, and Tak.

*a circular hole opens up in the floor and a platform with all said characters standing on it rises up*

Grav: Marvel at the awesomeness, that was expensive.

Zim: Such an effect is child's play for an Irken!

Grav: Yeah, well, I'm not an Irken, and we're on Earth, so tough luck. It's tough.

Dib: What are we doing here anyway?

Grav: Didn't I tell you this already? I'm going to ask you guys questions.

Purple: Why?

Grav: Because all us Invader Zim fans miss you guys and need more subject matter since we've all seen every single episode a thousand times.

Zim: Did you hear her? Zim has FANS!

Grav: You do, actually. Quite a lot.

Dib: Zim has fans?

Grav: Yeah, I know, it's surprising. But you'll all catch up on what's going on the Invader Zim Fan World soon enough. So let's begin the questioning: Where have you guys been all this time?

Tak: After Zim defeated me with pure luck, I floated around in space for awhile until I happened upon an abandoned ship that I flew back here. Then I was abducted by YOU to come here when I should be working on my revenge!

Grav: Pity pity. Who else? Zim? Dib?

Dib: ...Stuff. Paranormal stuff. And making sure Zim doesn't take over the world, of course.

Zim: Haha, Dib is no hindrance to the almighty Zim! I could take over Earth whenever I wanted! I just...don't want to yet.

Gir: I LIKE PIZZA! AND COWS!

Zim: Huh. Cows. That's new.

Grav: Gir, we all like you when you like piggies. So here's a piggy.

*tosses a piggy at Gir, who proceeds to squeeze it every few seconds while the interview continues*

Grav to Tallest: And what have you guys been doing?

Red: Oh, you know, conquering planets-

Purple: And eating snacks!

Red: -and that's about it.

Grav: Sounds like fun. Honestly. Next questions are going to be individual, but other people - Irkens - whatever - can comment if you want. So, Zim, Dib, what do you guys think of ZADR?

*stare blankly*

Grav: *sigh* Zim and Dib Romance

*delayed reactions*

Zim & Dib: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (and so on and so forth)

*all cover ears*

Tak: SHUT UP BOTH OF YOU!

*they keep going*

Grav: *pulls out duct tape and waves it in front of their faces* I'm only going to warn you once.

*they shut up*

Grav: Much better. I take it the idea horrifies you, it's never going to happen, yadi yadi yada?

Zim & Dib: *nod vigorously, eyeing the duct tape fearfully*

Grav: Personally, glad to hear it. *starts tossing duct tape up and down* Red, Purple, your opinions on RAPR?

*blank stares*

Grav: Okay, all of you listen up: The first letter is one character's initial, the A stands for and, the third letter is the second character's initial, and and R stands for Romance. Got it?

*all nod*

Grav: Okay, so I'll ask again, Red, Purple, RAPR?

Purple: Uhh...

Red: We refuse to comment.

Grav: On what basis?

Purple: We don't want to.

Grav: Fair enough. But I'm taking that as confirmation it's true.

Purple: It's not though!

Grav: So comment on it!

Red: For crying out loud, we're brothers!

Purple: Yeah. And Zim's our brother too.

Grav: Okay, I was ready to believe it until you said you guys and Zim are related.

Zim: We are, actually.

Grav: *looks back and forth at Red and Purple and Zim in succession* Like I said, don't believe it. So that ZADR nay, RAPR yay.

Red & Purple: NO!

Grav: It's been done. Next, let's see...Hey where's Gaz?

Dib: She not here.

Grav: I would hit you on the head, but I'd be afraid to mess up your awesome hair. So figurative head slap. Of course she's not here! Call her on your cool watch videophone thing.

*watch videophone conveniently rings, Gaz's face appears*

Gaz: Tell that girl I'm not going anywhere near her studio. I was in the middle of the final round of Mutant Zombie Attack IV when her creepy minions came to try and kidnap me. SHE WILL PAY!

Grav: *goes to stand beside Dib so Gaz can see her* Nice to meet you too. And just a side note, I told them to wait until you were done a level or paused, so it's not my fault. I totally sympathize, I'm a gamer too. Obeying minions are hard to come by. Luckily I've found a few. You're about to meet them.

Gaz: What? *turns head away from screen, goes blank*

Grav: She should be here in a few minutes. *sits back down on beanbag chair* So, while we wait, let's move on to other pairings. Dib and Tak, DATR is quite popular in the fan world.

Dib: Wait, first, can we like report you to the police for kidnapping us?

Grav: No, because in this world you're animations. You have no rights.

Red: What about that Jhonen Vasquez guy we heard about on the way over here?

Grav: Oh, he owns you and has rights ON you guys. I think. For some reason I think I read somewhere that Nickelodeon has all the rights to the show now.

Zim: What's...Nickelodeon?

Dib: Oh come on Zim, everyone knows that! See, he's an alien!

Grav: ...We know that, Dib. All the fans do. And to answer your question Zim, Nickelodeon cancelled your show.

Zim: Those horrible monkeys!

Gir: Uh-um *keeps squeezing piggy*

*all of a sudden the ceiling disappears and a large snowflake and music note, both with smiley faces, float down with Gaz in between them, seemingly unable to move*

Purple: What's that?

Grav: Those are some of my minions. Cool, huh?

Red: Why are they smiling?

Grav: Because they're happy, duh. Get with the program. Hey there Gaz. See what happens when you're as cool as you are? You get escorted by my best minions.

Voice: Do we let her go now?

Dib: Where did that come from?

Grav: Snowflake dude over there.

*everyone looks at the snowflake, who continues to stare back at them with the same smiley face*

Gir: Did you bring me tacos?

Music Note: No. But I can get you some if you want.

Gir: The door is small.

Everyone: O_o

Grav: I'll take that as a yes. Go to whatever place in the real world sells tacos, I don't know the name. And you can let her go now.

Gaz: *flames in eyes* You. Will. Pay.

Grav: Before you doom me, try this *tosses cardboard box with DS inside* It's a real world video game system. I think you'll like it. Here's a few games. *tosses game packages*

Dib: Do you really think that's going to save you?

Grav: No, but it'll buy me some time. Enough time to interrogate you all on the crazy ass pairing us fans come up with.

Gaz: *looks up from opening DS* He's right, you know. I will destroy you.

Grav: Yeah, but can it wait until after I interrogate your brother about his love interest?

Gaz: Carry on. P...lease. *smirks at Dib*

Grav: You heard her Dib. Now, back to what I asked before you got us off topic: DATR.

Dib: *looks around* Hey, where's Tak?

Grav: *looks around* Hey, she's not here! But I'm not going to get sidetracked yet. Comment now!

Dib: Uhh...*looks awkward*

Grav: *waves duct tape threateningly*

Dib: Okay okay! We're friends, but not like that.

Grav: *raises eyebrows* Are you SURE?

Dib: *nod*

Grav: D=

Dib: ?

Grav: I'm a DATR fan. But that's not important right now. You! *points to snowflake who has been hovering randomly this whole time* Go find Tak! And tell that other minions to help you look.

Snowflake: Okay.

Grav: While they're doing that, let's move on to another one of my favorites, ZAGR.

Zim: *gulp*

Grav: Gaz?

Gaz: What?

Grav: What do you think of ZAGR?

Red: Zim and...*snicker* Gaz romance.

Gaz: I will doom whoever supports it. Zim's annoying.

Grav: Zim?

Zim: Gaz-human is the Dib-stink's sister.

Grav: ...And?

Zim: What else do you want to know human?

Grav: Would that really make a difference?

*giant spade [like on playing cards] falls from the ceiling with Tak beside it*

Grav: There you are! How'd you escape anyway?

Tak: I walked out that door. *points to painfully obvious wooden door covered in old newspaper articles* I have work to do if I'm going to take this planet from Zim.

Grav: Yeah, well, you can get to that after we're done this interview. Looking at the time, it won't be too much longer, so sit tight. Guard the door. *nods to spade, who moves over in front of the door, and a club [again like on playing cards] poofs into existence beside it* So Tak, now for the question you ran away from. DATR. Your thoughts?

Tak: The D being for Dib?

Grav: D also stands for duh, but in this case yes, D for Dib.

Tak: Can I refuse to comment like the Tallest did?

Grav: No.

Tak: Why not?

Grav: Because I can't think of a good reason for you to.

Tak: Well then I just won't talk.

Grav: Cool, I have an excuse to use the duct tape! *grins widely and sticks a piece over Tak's mouth, who proceeds to freak out* So let's see, the current tally is ZADR no, RAPR yes-

Red & Purple: NO!

Grav: -DATR quite possibly and ZAGR is in denial. Now let's move on to the slightly more...obscure pairings, shall we? Wait, hold on, anyone besides Tak know where Mimi is?

Gir: Kitty's with the muffin man!

Everyone: ...

*music note falls from the sky with Mimi in her cat disguise on top of it. The music note is holding a bag from Unnamed Taco Place*

Gir: TACOS! *glomps bag and proceeds to stuff tacos in his mouth*

*Mimi jumps down from the music note and goes to sit beside her master who is still struggling at the tape*

Grav: That was convenient. So, Mimi, can you talk?

Mimi: *nods*

Voice: Yes, but only using Gir's speakers. I do not have a voice box because my mistress was unable to find one on planet Dirk.

Everyone: *turns to look at Gir, where the voice is coming through some speakers that look like an uber cool piggy boom box coming out of his head*

Grav: Cool! How can you do that?

Mimi: Gir was able to control me when he had access to my memory disk, but when my mistress repaired me she made it so that I can control Gir as well.

Grav: Spiffy. Now on to the main question: GAMR. Gir and Mimi romance.

Mimi: *tilts head* We are robots. End of story.

Grav: Yeah, you're right, but I knew people would want it asked. *looks over at Gir still stuffing his face with tacos* And if I asked him he'd probably think I was asking him to make waffles or something. So GAMR's out. Hummm...We need Skoodge in here. Most of the obscure pairings have him in them.

Everyone Else: o_o' Oh dear Tallest.

Grav: You know what, I'm not going to bring him in this time, I have enough of you to manage as it is. Oops, almost forgot. Tak, Gaz, there's such thing as TAGR. Gaz, thoughts?

Gaz: *looks up, growls*

Grav: And seeing as Tak's incapacitated, I say TAGR's also out. Okay, the only actually obscure pairing I can think of right now is DAGR.

Dib, Zim, Red, Purple: O_o *blink*

Gaz: O_-

Tak: *keeps spazzing out at tape on her mouth*

Gir: *still eating tacos*

Mimi: *just sitting there calmly*

Grav: ...Glad to hear it. So, now that that's over and done with, we get to move on to fun questions! Red, Purple, do all Irkens love snacks as much as you do?

Red: Well, yeah, but they cost a lot of monies so most can't afford them.

Purple: That's why it's great being Tallest, you get all the snacks you want for free!

Grav: That does sound like a great deal. Wish tallness was honoured that much on Earth =( While we're on the subject of Irkens, what makes some Irkens tall and some...not? *glances over a Zim*

Purple: Snacks.

Grav: Snacks?

Purple: Snacks make Irkens taller.

Grav: Huh, works the opposite way on humans. We get taller sideways. So let me get this straight, once you're Tallest it's pretty hard to stop being Tallest because someone would have to eat more snacks than you but they're really expensive so they'd have to be really rich?

Red: Pretty much.

Grav: So going back a ways to when you claimed you, Purple, and Zim were all brothers, I'll suppose that's true for a minute and ask: why didn't Zim eat as many snacks as you two? Or if he did eat as many snacks why is he a shrimp?

Zim: I'll answer that. I joined the Irken army when I was young, and they ration out the snacks there. You get more the better job you do. And while no one is better than Zim, the commanders didn't like me so I never got snacks. I fell behind pretty quick.

Grav: And during all this Red and Purple are stuffing their faces?

Red: Yup.

Grav: I can't believe I'm saying this, but I can't help but pity Zim. Anyway, one last question for you guys and then you can go: what are your real names?

Red: Gyn.

Purple: Les.

Grav: Frig, that was anti-climatic! No offence guys, but those names suck. Anyway, true to my word, you two can go.

Purple: Yay! I hope someone's made fresh doughnuts!

*the Tallest float over to the door, which swings open. The spade and club let them pass before the door closes behind the Irkens*

Grav: Having fun over there Gaz?

Gaz: Your voice is annoying.

Grav: Hey, be glad I don't make Gir sing The Doom Song.

Zim: O_O

Grav: *snicker, then glances over at Tak who's still wrestling with the duct tape* Dude, duct tape isn't THAT strong. Everyone just pretends it is because it's the best thing we have.

Dib: *nods* It's true.

Grav: Woah, you haven't talked in ages. I thought you were dead. Glad you're not though. Actually, I wish you would pass out so I could steal your trench coat. It's awesome man. Okay, so who to question next...Dib!

Dib: ...

Grav: Fine, don't say anything. Let's see. Do you have a mom, or are all those rumours on the Internet that say you're a clone of your dad true?

Dib: Internet?

Grav: Just answer the question.

Dib: According to my dad I don't have a mom, but I'm sure I saw her ghost when I was little. It's what got me interested in the paranormal.

Grav: That made no sense, but it's still an acceptable answer. How do you make your hair go like that?

Dib: It just kind of goes like that on its own. Only time it's not like that is when it's soaking wet, but once it starts to dry it pops up like this.

Grav: Can I touch it?

Dib: Uh, yeah, I guess.

Grav: *pokes scythe hair* *grins* *pokes again* No wonder you were able to use it to slide down the zip line to your garage in that one episode! It's hard a rock!

Dib: Thanks?

Grav: Do you mind if I measure your head?

Dib: What?

Grav: To see if it's actually big or not.

Dib: Sure, please do.

Grav: *magically pulls measuring tape from behind back and measures Dib's head* Zim, get over here. *measures Zim's head* *glances at Gaz* Gaz, how big around is your head?

Gaz: Two inches less than Zim's.

Grav: Cool. Music note, hold Tak still so I can measure her head. *measures* *pulls out magical calculator, punches in stuff* Okay, so here are my results: In proportion, Zim and Gaz's heads are exactly the same. Tak's is slightly smaller than Zim and Gaz's, and Dib's is 1/8 of an inch larger in proportion than theirs. So Dib, I'm sorry to say this but you do, in fact, have a big head.

Dib: X_X

Grav: ...*blink* Did I kill him?

Dib: X_X No, I'm just depressed now.

Grav: The glasses did you in dude. But I still love you =)

Dib: X_X

Grav: Alright, since he's unresponsive I'll move on to someone else. Tak!

Tak: *continues clawing at tape until Grav tries to take off, won't come of*

Grav: Funky.

Tak: *eye flash mind control thing*

*fails*

Grav: That doesn't work on real world humans, just so you know. Well, actually, it might work on a few of the stupider humans, but that's beside the point. Mimi, any idea how to duct the duct tape off?

Mimi: Unless we can find an earthen chemical that will cause my mistress's skin and the tape to separate, laser removal is the only option.

Grav: Earthen chemical? Like what?

Mimi: *looks around, her eyes resting on Gir who has finished eating his tacos and is staring at his piggy. Extra pieces of taco filling surround his mouth and the floor around him*

Grav: *suppresses laugh* It's worth a shot. But it'll probably hurt since it's meat.

Tak: *eyes meat fearfully, but stays still while Mimi forces it between the tape and her skin. The tape comes off easily, but Tak's skin is smoking when the meat touched it* ARGH! You stupid human! You will pay after I destroy Zim!

Grav: Oh, I'm so scared! Who's the one with an army of minions, huh? All you have is a robot that can't talk.

Tak: *pulls out Irken gun*

Grav: Okay, you had that.

Tak: What do you mean, had?

Grav: This.

*gun flies out of Tak's hand and poofs in a puff of smoke, all look at spade even though didn't do anything. Spade keeps smiling*

Grav: Pwned. Alright then, now that you can talk and have no means of killing me yet, question time! Did you know Zim before he got you trapped?

Tak: ...No...

Grav: I think you're lying. Wait *face palms* I'm such a noob, I forgot one of the major pairings, ZATR!

Tak: NO! NEVER!

Grav: Zim?

Zim: *crosses arms* Same as Tak.

Grav: Great! Glad to hear Tak's still available for Dib =3

Dib & Tak: What?

Grav: I'm a hardcore DATR supporter, but that's not important right now. Let's move on with Tak's questioning. Where'd you get your boots?

Tak: Excuse me?

Grav: They're awesome. I want a pair.

Tak: I got them from a store on Irk. I have a spare pair though, which I'll give you if you let me go now.

Grav: Umm, maybe you don't notice this, but I'm way taller than you. When I'm sitting down.

Tak: They're size adjustable.

Grav: Really? Deal!

*boots poof into existence in front of Tak*

Tak: How is it that so many things appear without explanation in this room?

Grav: It's called showbiz and the magic of television - fanfiction - whatevs. *grabs boots and grins widely* Okay, you can go now. Unless I need you here for something else, in which case I'll let you know.

Tak: Alright. Come Mimi, let's get away from here before the human changes her mind.

*Tak and Mimi leave the same way the Tallest did*

Grav: Dib, you still alive over there?

Dib: Barely X_X

Grav: Sad Tak left?

Dib: Ye- that's a trick question isn't it?

Grav: Totally ^_^

Dib: -.-

Grav: At least you're not dead anymore =)

Dib: -_-

Grav: Okay, I get it, you're depressed because your lover left. I guess I'll question Zim now. So, Zim. Are you and the Tallest really brothers?

Zim: Yes.

Grav: I still don't believe it, but I'll go along with it for the purpose of the next question. Why are Purple's eyes purple?

Zim: Why are your human eyes a different color than the Dib-stink's?

Grav: We're not siblings.

Zim: ...

Grav: =D I prove my point. And by the way, if you had just said genetics I would have believed you. Moving on, rumor has it you were a cook before becoming an Invader. True or false?

Zim: True.

Grav: Cool! So why don't you cook for Gir?

Zim: Don't have any ingredients.

Grav: It's called the store.

Zim: I only know how to cook with Irken ingredients.

Grav: That's fair. You should steal the TV from Gir once and a while and watch cooking shows, though. Cooking with Earth stuff is pretty easy. I hear What Would Brian Boitano Make is pretty good *nods* *starts humming What Would Brian Boitano Do from the South Park movie*

Zim: ?

Gaz: Shut up.

Grav: No thanks, I still have some more questions for Zim. Why are you so good at blowing up/destroying things? Is it a natural talent?

Zim: Yeah, I think so. I was always destroying things even before I joined the army.

Grav: Coolio. What's your most memorable blow-up...of a thing? Like the best thing you ever blew up?

Zim: Probably the tower of snacks back on Irk. It's how my Tallest got so many snacks, they stashed a ton of them before it was all cleaned up. I was taken in by the Irken police so didn't get any =(

Grav: So it's really thanks to you that the Tallest are the Tallest?

Zim: I guess you could say that.

Grav: Wow, I'm learning a lot when I don't write Zim as an insane egoistical alien psychopath.

Dib: Wasn't that last part about taking credit for making the Tallest tall egoistical?

Grav: Good point. I add an edit to Zim's last comment: BOW DOWN BEFORE THE AMAZINGNESS OF ZIM! Ah, now he seems more in character. And wow Dib, you're not dead anymore!

Dib: I'm dead on the inside.

Grav: Yeah, the reason you're probably dead is I'm writing you horribly out of character. But I'm not gonna worry too much about that in this fic.

Dib: ...I'm confused, but I don't wanna know.

Grav: Things always work best that way =) Okay Zim, almost done. Did you have any friends back on Irk?

Zim: Not really, besides my Tallest.

Grav: Sure. Any love interests?

Zim: Not on Irk.

Grav: HA, GOT CH'YA! Not on Irk means it's on Earth, which means Gaz, am I right?

Zim: O_O *scared* *glances back at Gaz who seems completely immersed in her DS game*

Grav: Answer the question, Zim. You won't leave until you do.

Zim: *snaps, starts running around the room screaming like the maniac he is* AAAAAHHHHHH! (so on and so forth) *tries to claw at the door through the spade and club who are still guarding it and are restraining him*

Grav: *grins* So, Gaz, what do you think of that information?

Gaz: Hold on, just a few more hits and I'm done this level.

Grav: 'Kay.

*few seconds later*

Gaz: What were you saying?

Grav: What do you think of the fact that Zim pretty much just admitted to liking you.

Gaz: ...I zoned out that much?

Grav: Yeah. Don't you love video games?

Gaz: ...Zim likes me?

Grav: *nod* Mm-hm.

Gaz: *blushes slightly then pretends to start another level*

Grav: HAHA, VICTORY! I HAVE PROVEN ZAGR, HOWEVER SLIGHT!

Everyone Except Zim, Gir & Gaz: o_o

Grav: Hey, I'm just as insane as you guys. If not more so. Moving on as a means to distract you all, Zim, if you would PLEASE STOP TRYING TO DESTROY THE DOOR, please tell me in detail about your thoughts on Dib.

Zim: *continues to try and claw at door*

Grav to Spade and Club: Make sure he doesn't get within arms reach of the door, I like having all those articles there to read when I'm bored.

Dib: Can I go now?

Grav: What, have a date with Tak or something?

Dib: No! I'm bored.

Grav: *evil grin* I can make you less bored =3

Dib: Uh, no, I'm good.

Grav: =(

Dib: o.o'''

Grav: I need a soul bandage ;_; I feel so rejected.

Gir: Aww, it's okay creepy lady, I wuv you! *hugs Grav*

Grav: =DDDDDDD OMG GIR IS HUGGING ME! *fangirl squeel* *hugs back hard*

Zim: Maybe she is in insane.

Grav: No, duh. *keeps squeeling* *stops squeeling* Wait, you stopped trying to kill the door.

Zim: And your point?

Grav: Now I can question you some more! So, how do you think Gaz would have reacted to this news under normal circumstances?

Zim: What news?

Grav: The fact that you like her.

Zim: *twitch*

Grav: Stop denying it Zim. There's no use anymore.

Zim: *puffs up chest, seeming to regain dignity* Well, if I did like the Gaz-child - which Zim does not! - and she found out, I would have expected her to kill me, or doom me as she always threatens to.

Grav: Yeah, I'd have expected such a reaction as well. What do you think of her actual reaction?

Zim: What reaction?

Grav: Why is no one paying attention to anything today? She just calmly accepted it and went back to her video game, and I think I spotted a hint of a blush.

Zim: She did?

Grav: Yeah.

Zim: O.O

Gir: Do you need some waffles master?

Zim: No Gir, no Gir I don't. *keeps O.O ing*

Gir: I'll go make some pancakes then!

Zim: No Gir, not the - wait, what are pancakes?

Grav: They're like flat waffles.

Zim: Oh. NO GIR NOOOOOOO!

Grav: *covers ears*

Gaz: Zim, BE QUIET OR ELSE I WILL IMPALE YOUR METAL BACKPACK WITH AN ELECTRIC SCREWDRIVER!

Zim: NOT THE ROBOT BEE!

Grav: I really have to come up with a better line for you, this is the third fanfiction type thing I've written where Gaz has threatened you and you've responded with the robot bee line.

Zim: How do I not know of these fanfiction - things?

Grav: Because you're an alien from an imaginary reality where fanfictions don't exist.

Dib: But I'm human and I don't know what a fanfiction is.

Grav: That's because you're a human from an imaginary world - if you were a human in the real world you might. Or might not, there's still a lot of people that don't know what they are. But they're noobs. Anyway, you guys are in one right now. Incase you care.

Zim: Does it hurt?

Grav: You tell me. All I know is my fingers are getting tired. Good thing when you write them you can take as many breaks as you need =D

Gir: *squeezes piggy, which has been worn out from too many squeezes,pops* *starts to cry/scream* WHY PIGGY WHY? I LOVED YOU PIGGY, I LOVED YOU!

Grav: Aww, poor Gir! *hugs* Here's another piggy. *gives piggy*

Gir: =P [literally] *squeezes piggy repeatedly every few seconds*

Grav: So, back to questioning. Zim, if you could change one thing about Gir, what would it be?

Zim: Only one thing?

Grav: That's what I said.

Zim: I guess I'd make it so that he would always follow through on my orders, instead of getting started and then getting distracted.

Grav: You wouldn't make him more sane? Or make him unable to make waffles?

Zim: *twitch* While that is tempting, I need him to help advance my mission. The rest I can deal with.

Grav: Cool. Let's see, I want to go into the realm of the "hypothetical" *wink at camera/reader/whatever* for a few minutes. Let's suppose, in this hypothetical world, that the Tallest gave you a fake mission. When you found this out, how would you react?

Zim: I'd probably call the Tallest and ask them why they didn't give me a real mission. But I doubt they'd ever give a fake mission to ZIM, for ZIM is too amazing.

Grav: Sure. What would you think if you knew your current mission to take over Earth was fake?

Zim: But it's not.

Grav: I'm still talking hypothetically here.

Zim: Oh, well, I guess I'd first wonder why the Tallest send me to the dirt-ball, of all the planets in the galaxy.

Grav: Oh oh, totally unrelated question: can Irken ships travel between galaxies in acceptable amounts of time?

Zim: No, I'm afraid not, those distances are too much for even our advanced technology.

Grav: But travel between stars within this galaxy is considered "reasonable?"

Zim: To an Irken, yes.

Grav: In human time, how long would it take to get from Earth to our closest neighbouring star, Proxima Centauri, in an Irken vessel?

Zim: *punches in calculation into calculator thing that came out of his pak* About three months, give or take.

Grav: Cool. Do you have any spare ships you don't need/want?

Zim: What?

Grav: Do you have a spare ship? I want to go there =3

Zim: No, but I could build one for you.

Grav: *epic jaw drop* *u* Nu way. ARE YOU F'ING SERIOUS?

Zim: Yes. But you have to let ZIM go. I have work to do. And you have to keep Dib occupied for at least the next week.

Grav: I can lend you some minions to guard your house. They work really well.

Zim: Deal.

Grav: =DDDDD I'M GETTING MY OWN SPACESHIP! NO WAY, I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! *jumps up and starts dancing/jumping around*

Dib: I have a spaceship.

Grav: *stops jumping around* Yeah, but Tak's gonna take it back soon, and besides, you can't get it work properly. So it doesn't count.

Dib: Wait, what do you mean Tak's going to take it back? It was in the garage last time I checked, which was this morning.

Grav: What do you think Tak's up to now?

Dib: O_O Let me go, please! I have to save it!

Grav: You do realize Tak has a lot more guns from where that first one came from, right?

Dib: -.- I hate you, I really do.

Grav: D= =( ;_; Dib hates me *sniff*

Dib: What are those things, anyway?

Grav: Noob, they're emoticons. Get with the program.

Dib: ?

Grav: Oh and by the way Zim you can go. How long will it take to make my ship?

Zim: About a week if I don't do anything else.

Grav: Don't do anything else, I'll get you excused from school - wait, you guys don't go to school here! Cool! Anyway, yeah, get working on that. Pretty please =)

Zim: *salute*

Grav: =O Cool!

Zim: *walks out door, spade and club return to guard it*

Gir: *pause* *looks around* Where did Master go?

Grav: *idea light bulb appears above head* To get you more tacos?

Gir: YAAAAAAY, TACOOOOOS! *spins hand around and around and keeps singing TACOS TACOS*

Grav: =3 I'm a genius, I have officially abducted Gir!

Zim: *opens door and looks in* Gir still in here?

Grav: *steps in front of Gir, whistles innocently* No...

Zim: Oh. Okay. If he does keep him here, I don't want him bothering me while I try and build your ship.

Grav: =D Okie dokie!

Zim: *leaves*

Grav: Aww yeah BD

Dib: Great, now I can steal Zim's robot and steal his technology!

Grav: Oh no you won't! *stands between Dib and Gir with arms crossed*

Dib: =( Please?

Grav: No.

Dib: Pretty please?

Grav -.- I SAID NO!

Dib: D=

Grav: o.o Stop looking at me like that.

Dib: D=

Grav: *covers eyes* You're not going to make me surrender Gir to you!

Dib: D=

Gaz: This game system is pretty good.

Grav: *distracted* I know right? What game are you playing right now?

Gaz: Super Mario Galaxy.

Grav: o_O What the f? How'd you get that?

Gaz: It was one of the games you gave me...

Grav: But I thought the DS version was just a rumor! *wide eyed*

Gaz: Gullible.

Grav: ... D= Ouch.

Dib: (meanwhile) *sneaks around Grav while distracted and grabs Gir*

Gir: Can I have a taquito?

Dib: Shh!

Grav: *turns and sees Dib* -_- Dib. Put Gir down. NOW. *evil glare*

Dib: *hesitates*

Grav: *intensifies evil glare*

Dib: *puts Gir down and smiles innocently*

Grav: -.- I don't trust you anymore.

Dib: ...

Grav: But I still love you =D

Dib: o_O

Grav: =D

Dib: o_O'''

Grav: =D

Gir: Taquitos?

Grav: Sorry Gir, I don't have any taquitos. I don't even know what they are. Hold on, I'll get a minion to go get you some.

Gir: Yay, millions!

Grav: I don't have enough money for a million taquitos, Gir.

Gir: Aww =P

Grav: You're so cute =D

Dib: You're weird.

Grav: And you're obsessive-compulsive.

Dib: No I'm - wait, nevermind.

Grav: ;D

Dib: -.- *is not impressed*

Grav: *hugs Dib* ...OMG, I'm hugging Dib!

Dib: Insane fangirl.

Grav: Yesh, yesh I am ^.^ And I'm currently trying to decide whether or not to bring Tak back here and have something happen between you two, or keep you for myself =3 I have such a twisted mind.

Dib: o.o'

Grav: =D Well folks, I now have writer's block so that's all for now. Hopefully the randomness wasn't too painful ;P Next time on Random Invader Zim Interviews, will Gaz impale Tak with an electric screwdriver? Why? Or is that just something random I came up with on the spot and will never actually use? Will there even be a second chapter? I personally don't know the answers XD Until then - if there is one.

* * *

Finally re-uploaded, huzzah! Enjoy the randomness, my friends.


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